Reformist Shahrvand newspaper published an imaginary exchange in its humor column this morning. I thought it was worth translating. Enjoy!
“I am hungry. I wish there was a double McDonald’s burger I could eat so….”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Oh man…I forgot McDonald’s was a spying instrument. Alright, forget about that! I could go for KFC…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Come on man! They said KFC opened up a branch in Tehran. It’s halal and they got a license to open it. Are you telling me they got a license to spy?”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“What the…! Ok. Forget about it. I wish we had some potatoes. We could throw it in the fire together and…
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“What?! Talking about potatoes is forbidden too? Ohh..is it because that parliamentary member resigned over potatoes? Was it for real? Did he take his resignation back or…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Oh…what a story! Even when we had potatoes, we didn’t have bread. By the way, why do you think bread is so expensive and low quality?”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Bread is a redline too! Are all kinds of bread redlines or just the barbary bread?”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Why is the price of produce so high? They say there is a fruit mafia…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“So talking about the fruit mafia is bad too? They say sandwiches are the way Americans will penetrate the country, maybe fruit will also…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“In this cold and dark environment…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Ohhh…sorry! Not cold or dark. In this environment, what can I talk about? Rice? Can I Talk about rice? Indian rice is being imported to the market…”
“Shhhhhh….quiet. He is going to hear you.”
“Forget about! Let him hear it. What is he going to do to us if he hears us?”
“You are such a pest! We are playing hide-and-seek. He is going to hear you and come and find us. Are you here to play or talk?”
“Oh…you are right! I totally understand…shhhhhhh…..”